dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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