My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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