I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
