I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
