Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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