are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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