I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
