she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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