3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
