I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
