i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
