we have officially lost it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
