i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
