apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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