Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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