I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
