I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
