Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize