i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
