Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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