Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
