Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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