He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
