My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
