i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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