Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
