I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
how does that bad decision feel?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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