This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
