i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
