are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
