I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
