Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
