I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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