unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
