im about as happy as oj after his trial
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
