If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
