Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
