I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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