well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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