good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
