Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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