I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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