I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
