drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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