I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
