So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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