she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
