I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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