I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize