Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize