people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
