Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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