I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
