i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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