he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
