when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Randomize
