If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
