Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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