I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
