If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
