This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize