I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
