apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
