you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
