Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
