in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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