Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
