Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
