I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize